we are biology

Life Contains These Things

Happiness = Jinx

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I’m bored.  It’s Saturday, 8:35pm, and I have to stay home because my mom’s sick and need to take care of some things while she recuperates.  And you know what’s funny?  I feel so tempted to read my textbooks.  Take note: not pocketbooks, not audiobooks, not ebooks… textbooks!  Nerd, much?

I really enjoy what I’m learning.  I love studying white blood cells and platelets and malaria vectors and glucose levels and testing things with EDTA additives… oh my god what the hell am I saying?!

On a serious note, I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  I’ve waited so long — a decade, to be exact — to finally be able to live my dream and get into the medical sciences.  I had tried and failed and tried and failed some more, and now I’m finally where I’ve always wanted to be… studying skeletons, and a whole lot more.

Sometimes though, I remind myself not to be too happy.  Is that silly or what?  It’s a fear of mine, really.  Like I said, I had tried and failed and tried and failed some more, and each time I thought I was already where I wanted to be, something had to stop things from falling into place.  It’s like, being too happy jinxed it.

I relate a lot to what Tibby from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II said:

The problem is every time I try to get too close to somebody it’s like there’s something out there that just says, Oh Tibby’s about to be happy: better get her.

You know what I mean?  I still have that fear that something’s out there to get me when I finally reach that peak of happiness that would trigger the jinx.

I try not to let it affect how I’m enjoying myself now.  When things become so good, it feels more and more temporary.  So, no matter how temporary this feels, it only pushes me to make the most out of every moment.

But it doesn’t hurt either if I wish on every star each night that this isn’t something that’ll die on me again.  It’s really the worst feeling in the world.

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Written by Karla Mercado

March 29, 2009 at 2:41 am

Posted in Etcetera

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